got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
