I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize