i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
