Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I want her autograph on my taint
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
