You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
