after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
