**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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