Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
