We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you had me at cake vodka
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
