Apparently you make a good broom.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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