i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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