awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
