I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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