I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
