That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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