SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
