I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
