I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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