Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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