shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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