I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize