just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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