you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
