I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
