spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
