I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
