I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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