God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
