"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
