We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
