Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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