the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
