Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
