im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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