After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You are a genius and a whore.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
