I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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