Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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