No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
