Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
