this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Is Oprah even human
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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