he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize