I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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