my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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