well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
