fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
