Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
