Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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