In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Can you bring me the toilet please
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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