do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
