My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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