You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
