i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
