i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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