I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
