She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
