Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
