Just fell off a train. Bad.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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