hell yes lets make some ravioli
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
