Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
