Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize